Truth time... I am still working on it. I feel I am getting closer to understanding, and that is good, but I still struggle with motivation. I have the desire, but the motivation is another thing
I suffer from depression. I have for quite some time now. Probably about 10 years or so. I am sure there are issues stemming from the deaths of my mom, then sister, then daughter within 18 months that I have never fully processed. (Not to mention the passing of my grandma, and Heidi's biological father, losing my gob, and some other things too. Let's just say it was a bad stretch for the Bates') Anyway, I have been off and on some different anti-depressants over the years, but also never took them super consistently. I would take them for a few months, til I felt back on my feet, and then stop. Yea, I know it isn't the proper way to do it, but when you are feeling good, you don't really feel like taking them.. there is no need, right? :)
So the last month or so I have been in a bad spot. In my mind I have been going back to that joker at Ragnar who thought he was being funny when he said, in passing, "that's funny, you don't look like a runner". It really got to me and I shouldn't have let it... but who says that? Whatever.
So in my research, for some more natural remedies for depression, one of the 'best ones' is getting more exercise. Really? if you are depressed, just get up and go work out. lol.. that seems like the most difficult thing in the world to do. For me, when I am low, I just want to comfort eat (carbs and sugars of course) and sit on the couch. the LAST thing I want to do is go out for a run. Does this seem crazy to anyone else?
I decided to put this to the test, I don't really want to take pills anymore.
More honest time... today's weight is 240.1 I have been going fluctuating up and down 3-5 lbs, but its time to kick this into gear. I am going to be better at filling y'all in on my progress.
So tonight Heidi is in St George with Tristan seeing Newsies (I am kinda jealous, but it was her belated Christmas present) so I decided to go for a run. I got past the "what should I do tonight" thoughts and put my shoes on. We have what we call our 'Bates 5k (3.1 miles) route that is a good run, has a good hill in the middle of it, and is pretty quick. I ran to the turnaround spot and then like Forrest Gump, I just kept on running.
Now before you think I went on some epic journey, I just went 2 more miles.. so 5 miles total. BUT... I can tell you that I feel fantastic tonight. I will continue to try and use working out as my way of fighting my depression. (I wanted to stop at about 2 miles, but I was too far away from home.) So I just kept going.
If anyone is out there reading this.. please feel free to leave a comment about any struggles you might have had, and how you are overcoming them.
